On this episode of the SATURNcast we have three, that’s right, three songs from the incredible musical group, Jim’s Big Ego which can be found on the Podsafe Music Network.

The three songs were:

1) WTFMFWTFAYT

2) Support the Truth

3) Asshole

(I can not say enough how great I think Jim’s Big Ego is. Almost immediately after I published the show, Jim e-mailed me with his thanks and advice on how to improve the sound of my show. He even made an inside joke that only someone who listened to that episode would understand. Top-notch guy and I will be playing a lot of Jim’s Big Ego in future episodes)

I inform the listeners that I am in a very, very very bad mood.

I take to task those who would be offended by the first song I played, and tell everyone to learn how to fast-forward a podcast if they don’t like the music.

I rant about how Clear Channel has ruined radio with their non-stop boring right wing conservative agenda. I suggest to offended listeners of the SATURNcast to spend their time listening to that GOP Kool-Aid Drinking pretty boy Sean Hannity.

We all learn how to pronounce my very difficult name.

I express disbelief over the fact, that the Vatican’s “chief excorcist” Father Gabriele Amorth tells the world (are you sitting down for this news flash?) that Stalin and Hitler were evil and that Pope Pius XII tried a long distance excorsism to cast the devil out of both of them.

It didn’t work. Apparently, Jesus doesn’t like long distance holy stuff. Father Amorth enlighted us further by informing us that the Harry Potter books are the work of the Dark Prince, Satan.

Malarky!

I talk about that idiot in the Jon Benet Ramsey case. I won’t link to him because he doesn’t deserve the attention.

One thing he hurt (among several) was the reputation of tensgendered people who want sex-reassignment surgery in Thailand. Read what the transgender community has to say here.

I love the Howard Stern show. I hate the fact that he takes so many vacations. So much so that all we ever hear on Sirrius is the same tired old re-runs of shows he has done since Janury 9. I think since people who subscribe and pay money to Sirrius for the sole purpose of hearing Howard Stern deserve more programming. The same tired old reruns is not enough.

I bitch about how my Dunkin Donuts ice coffee experience has been ruined by chatty counter clerks who feel the need to discuss my coffee drinking habits with me every single day.

The world famous BEAN is banned from the SATURNcast until further notice.

I complain about people who whine about Al Gore and his movie, The Inconvienent Truth. I dare my listener to e-mail me three things they do not like about Al Gore (which Sean Hannity didn’t spoon feed you)

I observe that Lenin, Stalin, and their ilk really ruined a great idea, Communism.

On paper, Communism seems like a great idea — everyone chipping in for the common good of the country. But bastards like Lenin and Stalin ruined it for their own greedy gain — killing thousands and hurting their people a great deal.

I think I will stick with good old fashioned Democracy.

I lament on how poor, working middle class people drink the conservative Kool-Aid. Don’t they want teeth?

I plug two great podcasts:

The Overnight Scape Podcast

Tranny Wreck Podcast

 SATURNcast -- Rings of Saturn #4: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Today, Madge Weinstein, of Yeast Radio, partially did her podcast while taking a dump in the bathroom.

I want to make a sincere and solemn promise to all my loyal SATURNcast listeners: I will never ever do a podcast while going to the bathroom. In fact, I am so proper that I don’t even go to the bathroom.

But Madge Weinstein’s actions begs a question for me: How do you learn to do a better podcast? Madge can walk around all over her house and do her show (thus, the little bathroom scene), take phone calls in real time etc, etc.

A lot of great podcasters out there and they can do all sorts of great things on their shows.

Any tips?

Email them to me at saturncast@gmail.com

Here is an interesting story for my loyal SATURNdiary readers. Imagine being the King or Queen of England and giving it all up?

That is exactly what King Edward VIII did on December 10, 1936. He was King of England for less than one year. Upon resigning, he gave all control of the Royal Windsor Family to his younger brother, Albert (who became King George VI, the father of the current Queen Elizabeth. She never would be Queen today if it wasn’t for her uncle’s abdication.)

Why did he give all that up? For Wallis Simpson. Mrs. Simpson was a twice divorced American woman who King Edward had some sort of sick facination for. Apparently , the rumors in England at the time was that they were in some sort of sado-masachistic thing where King Edward enjoyed being dominated by Mrs. Simpson. I personally don’t see the attraction in her, do you?

In any event King Edward went to his Prime Minister and stated his intentions to marry her. That went over like a lead balloon.

The Prime Minister took a poll of all of England’s territories and the only one ok with King Edward marrying Mrs. Simpson was Ireland.

Seems that, as King of England, he was also the head of the Church of England, (which was formed by King Henry VIII when the Catholic Church wouldn’t let him marry the woman he wanted.) The Church of England frowns on divorced people marrying the King.

King Edward had three choices:

1) marry Mrs. Simpson anyway and make her Queen, creating a constitutional crisis in England;

2) marry her and she does not become Queen (a “morganistic marriage“); or

3) abdicate the throne to marry Mrs.Simpson

King Edward decided on choice #3.

Dumb ass.

Ever hear of a mistress?

Anyways, he quits and his younger brother, King George VI, keeps him royal by making him Duke of Windsor. Seems nice of him right? In reality, it made political sense to keep Edward royal in order to prevent him from running for the House of Commons in Parliment, and being royal prevented him from making political speeches in the House of Lords.

King George had to buy back royal properties from Edward (which Edward inheritied when his dad the King George V died)

Mrs. Simpson was given no royal title, as the ultimate “F-You” from the Windsor family. This really burned Edward’s non-king britches. He called the new King everyday — so much so that King George stopped taking his phone calls.

The King also forbade Edward coming to England without permission. If he did he would be cut off from his royal allowance.

So he went from being King to having to beg for an allowance. All for a rather unattractive American.

I don’t get it.

In any event, Edward and his lovely new wife lived in France and dreamed of Hitler winning World War II so he would be restored to the throne of England with Mrs. Simpson as his Queen.
That didn’t work out so Ed and the misses spent the rest of their lives hitting the cocktail party circut and begging for money from the in-laws.

Sad story. But the good news is that if he never abdicated, we wouldn’t enjoy Prince Charles (he would only be a mere Duke today) and we wouldn’t have Prince William. How could we live without our Wills?

Post Script: Did you know that the “Windsor Knot” for ties was named after the late, great King Edward VIII?

I start the show by playing “Space Rocks Keep Falling on My Head” by Away with the Fairies from the Podsafe Music Network.

I talk about Adam Curry and his podcast, the Daily Source Code. Adam Curry is one of the original MTV VJ’s during the 1980’s and played a major role in the development of Podcasting. Just call him the “Podfather” I express my fears that his hobby of flying will lead to a JFK Jr. like accident.

I have strong words about JFK Jr. and the sheer and utter waste his death was. He had the talent, looks and prestige to make a real difference in the world and he blew it.

His biggest accomplishment was that stupid, Playboy wannabe (without the nudity) George magazine.

He may have given a lot to charity, but so do a lot of other rich people.

I lambaste NASA for losing the Apollo 11 footage. What’s next? Losing the Declaration of Independence?

We had a special treat on this Saturncast — Bean makes a rare apperance and gives a vacation trip report from Old Forge, New York. She also rants about the big movie chains, Hoyts, Regal and Royal. She finishes with a bang, giving movie reviews of The Devil Wears Prada, Accepted and Invincible.

McKinley Roosevelt Cat makes a cameo audio appearance during Bean’s comments.

In honor of Bean’s apperance on the show, I play “Fan of the Bean” by “The Clintons” off the Podsafe Music Network.

I thank Steve Newman, of Steve Newman and Friends for e-mailing me about playing his song “Lullaby for Lawyers” on the last Saturncast episode.

I dedicate the show to Jefferson Kennedy Dog (who got in trouble chasing deer). She is a wonderful Space Dog.

What better way to end the show than by playing “The Dog Song”, by Little Thom, off the Podsafe Music Network.

 SATURNcast -- Rings of Saturn #3: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Dear Mr. Curry:

Thank you for your role in the development of podcasting. Anyone who claims you shouldn’t get a lot of credit is only jealous.

Thanks to you, I have my own podcast now! It is called the SATURNcast and it is the only podcast, to my knowledge which is done on the planet Saturn. I have a long way to go before it sounds the way I would like it to, but thank you for giving me the chance to broadcast to the world.

That was very cool of you.

Like you, I invented some things. I played a large role in the invention of calculus. And like you, people take potshots at me, claiming my role in the invention of calculus isn’t as big as I claim it is. Jealousy is all it is. (BTW: I discovered the Rings of Saturn and one of its moons, Titan)

I also invented the wristwatch. You never thanked me for that — but don’t feel too bad — no one ever does.

I also, like you, have Dutch connections! I was born at The Hauge in 1625! That makes me Dutch and old!

I listen to your Daily Source Code every day. Love it!

And it is why I am writing to you today. I am very concerned that your hobby of flying will turn into a JFK, Jr./John Denver/Buddy Holly/La Bamba/Ricky Nelson/Patsy Cline type situation.

Please be careful! If it looks too cloudy, or too foggy, or the prop doesn’t seem to be making the right sound, TAKE THE BUS!

I know someone of your stature may find it demeaning to take a motor coach, but they make some really nice busses these days.

And if you must fly, here is the KLM website. (Might as well give our dollars and pounds to a Dutch business, no?)

All I am saying Mr. Curry is please be careful. Podcasting would not be the same without you, and it would be just my luck that you expire right when I am getting into the podcast thick of things. Who would I turn to then? Madge Weinstein?

Sincerely,

Christiaan Huygens (scruncher)

saturncast.

P.S. In order to help you with your show, I have been plugging the Daily Source Code on my podcast, the Saturncast. I know it is helping you. While I do not need any more publicity (god knows I have enough of that!) feel free to plug my show! (a little tit for tat) And if you need to unburden yourself of some top notch podcasting equipment, feel free to send it my way. My email is saturncast@gmail.com

PPS — I think you are a podcasting genius. I reserve judgment on whether or not you are a podcasting “God” until such time as you can convince Metallica to allow their music library to be placed on the Podsafe Music Network (for free). If you can manage that, then you really are supernatural.

Dear loyal SATURNdiary readers,

Your able host, Christiaan Huygens is on vacation this week!  Blog posts for this week will be few and far between!  Don’t worry!  A nice vacation frees the mind and I will be back next week better than ever!  I miss all of you!  I know you miss me too!  And there will be an all new SATURNcast  podcast this Sunday!

Stay tuned!  And I will send you a postcard. . .

Sincerely,

Christiaan Huygens

I started off the SATURNcast “Rings of Saturn #2″ with a song from Steve Newman and Friends, “Lullaby for Lawyers” off the Podsafe Music Network.

I discuss the Jon Benet Ramsey case. Some idiot claiming to murdering her has been arrested in Thailand. I do not think he did it, but rather has some sick fetish over being linked to Jon Benet.

I scold the media for giving this idiot so much attention — exactly what he wants.

I discuss there is only three reasons anyone from the West would ever go to Thailand:

1) The food

2) A cheap but high quality sex-change operation and:

3) A really horrific reason: You are a pedophile.

I discuss how much a pain in the ass it is to fly these days. I bemoan the fact that the governmnet gives out way too many terror alerts. So much so that people have become desensitized to them.

I talk about that woman who had a massive panic attack on a plane which forced it to make an emergency landing. She should have asked her doctor for a sedative before her flight.

I open my e-mailbag! (saturncast@gmail.com)

NiiceLady sends me a nice e-mail about my show. She gives me a link to her blog.

I thank her for the feedback she gave Bean about the podcast. I admit that the first show sucks! I mention that I have improved my equipment and software since then — and hopefully the show sounds much better.

I compare these early SATURNcast shows to the early Apollo Space Missions. All those poor early Apollo astronauts got to do was some lame-ass orbits around the Earth to see if the equipment worked for Apollo 11. Their missions were just as important, but no one remembers them. I would like to think the early Saturncast shows are like this!

GREAT NEWS!

Jenifer Wilson, a 62 year old woman dying from cancer in the Netherlands, e-mailed me one hour before an operation she does not know if she will live from, to inform me she is going to will me $5,500,000!!! All I have to do if e-mail her lawyer in the Netherlands with my account information! Fantastic! I had no idea my show had such a profound impact on people.I treat all of you listeners to a demo tape I made when I hosted a show on WABC on July 4, 1976. The show is ruined because that bitch, Toni Tennille of the band Captain and Tennille called into WABC, not knowing I was hosting the show that day. She owed me money from an original watch I had given her. (Did you know I invented the wristwatch?)

I mention I grow tired of people asking me about the planet Pluto. Where were all of you when I discovered all that space stuff in the 1600s?

I end the show by playing a neat song from JAM Creative Productions — where they piece together all the jingles from their radio station accounts from the mid-1980’s.

If you do not know what to get me for a gift. Here is a suggestion: buy me a jingle from JAMS for the SATURNcast! You can do that right here.

I will be away on vacation this week! But you should have a new SATURNcast on Sunday! And I will try to update the SATURNdiary as much as possible!

 SATURNcast -- Rings of Saturn #2: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

I have been going crazy!  I am very, very new to web site design.  Yes I am a brilliant genius — but the internet superhighway is very, very new to me.  The “old” look of this blog, the SATURNdiary (if you can call a two week old blog “old”) had a lot of bugs in it, and I felt it was hard to read.  So I spent the last week playing around with different looks (it was a disaster).

I have now decided on this look.  It reminds me of the old days, back in the 1600’s when I did my best work.

Now I want to share with you something I learned about Internet browsers; look to the right of this post — do you see a column, or a list there?  If you don’t, scroll down to the bottom of this blog.  Is the list down there?  If you don’t see a column on the right, but rather on the bottom, YOU HAVE AN OBSOLETE WEB BROWSER!  Most probably MSN Internet Explorer 6.0.

I can only urge you to change your browser.  I have to be honest, I didn’t think much about web browsers myself until I started working on this blog.  Now that I have updated, surfing the web is a much sharper, clearer and easier experience.

There are two browsers I recomend.

If you want to stay with MS Internet Explorer, you can download the new IE 7 browser here.(This is a beta version — but works very well)  All of your bookmarks and favorites will be automatically placed in your new browser.  It works  great and you will be shocked at how much sharper everything looks on the web.

But what I really recommend in Mozilla Firefox which you can download here.

It is really easy to download and use.  Importing your favorites from your IE browser is quick and easy.  Just a fantastic browser!

And if you can’t make up your mind, you can download both and use both of them to see which one you like!  Or just use both!

AND THESE DOWNLOADS ARE FREE!

Whatever you do, just get rid of your MS Internet Explorer 6!  You will thank me later!

Enjoy the new look!

Christiaan Huygens.