And listen to the HALLOcast.

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Starring (in order of appearance)

Mr. Christiaan Huygens — As himself

The Bean — As herself

Ms. NiiceLady — As the e-mailer

Ms. McKinley Roosevelt Cat — As the silent radio producer

Mr. Matthew Blender — As the writer

Ms. Cheryl Merkowski — As the fired employee

Ms. Rebecca Nay — As the reporter

Mr. Andrew Melton — as the computer expert

Mr. Orson Welles — as himself

Ambient Sound (SIM043 — Devolium — Tuesday) copyrighted by Serge Audenaert, Samples in Motion Website
This podcast dedicated to Mr. Orson Welles, who proved broadcasting did not have to be done inside a box.

And all those independent podcasters who are thinking outside the box everyday.

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Here is the story, Morning Glory:

As loyal listeners and readers know, I am a big fan of Richard Bluestein’s Yeast Radio.

I disagree with Richard’s take about 75% of the time, which is why I like his work so much. He is an independent filmmaker and podcaster from Chicago. He is like Howard Stern, meets Democracy Now, meets Andy Wahol, meets, Orson Welles, meets you type of situation.

Now here is why I am discussing this:

On Monday, October 30th, he will have an interview on his podcast with anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan. I would like you to listen.

You may be asking, but why Christiaan? I hate Cindy Sheehan (or don’t care) and I care even less about this Richard Bluestein business.

That is not my point.

As you know, I hate the corporate media. Somewhere along the way we all started to believe that the only people that can interview “newsmakers” is someone that has been issued a press credential from a corporate news organization. If the corporate news isn’t doing it, then all have to just sit there and listen to what they are covering.

This gives the corporate media way too much power. Or, as Veronica Mars, from the hit televison show “Veronica Mars” says, “Oh look! This article was printed with a color graphic, so it must be true!”
Richard is good at thinking outside the box. He asked Cindy Sheehan for an interview. She granted it, and she will be on his show on October 30th.

If more of us started doing things like that, we could change how people get their information. People would have more avenues to get information and we would not have to rely on the corporate media as much.

All you need to do is start a free blog, or buy a cheap microphone and start your own show. Ask someone you think is newsworthy for an interview. They might say no, but who knows, they might say yes.

And if that is not your style — well listen and read and support those who try to do it. It is important.

So listen to the October 30, 2006 Yeast Radio podcast. Even if it is not your issue or your politics. Do it for the sake of lessening the importance of corporate media. Which, if I haven’t told you, I can not stand.

So you want to be a rock and roll star
Then listen now to what I say
Just get an electric guitar
Then take some time and learn how to play

Nice going Ralph. You were so brilliant, so “cutting edge” and just so uncompromisng, that it would have been a motral sin and an act against nature for you not to run for President in 2000.

Thanks. George Bush thanks you. The Republicans thank you. I am sure people dying now in a war thank you.

Now I am not giving a pass to Al Gore. He should have run a better campaign. I mean, he couldn’t even win his home state of Tennessee. The 2000 election should not have even come down to a nail-biting vote count in Florida.

But it did.

Al Gore would have become president had Ralph Nader used common sense rather than ego to run as the irrelevant Green Party president.

Ralph Nader likes to remind everyone that he is brilliant. He issues enough press releases and goes to enough book signings to remind us of that.

So, my loyal readers, he was smart enough to know he would never win the office of President of the United States as the Green Party candidate.

So why did he do it? Ego.

Well why did the Greens pick him? Whores. Wanted a big name to get their ideas and name across and to have enough people vote “Green” to get on ballots easier in the future. If they picked a normal “Jane or John” Smith person they never would have gotten the attention.

They got what they wanted, and now look who is in office. Their agenda (if they really cared about it at all) is back in stone ages under the Bush administration. So they hurt there own cause. Nice.

This is the problem with radical idealism. It is impractical. If you are a purist left wing liberal, or a purist right wing fundamental, you are impractical. You are simplistic and self-defeating.

And ego whores feed off impractical people.

Politics and policy is all about compromise and finding a middle ground that works for all and does not offend.

Yes, in the perfect world this should not be. But this is not a perfect world.

If you insist on being pure this is what happens. No middle ground. One side wins. And if your side loses you are stuck with nothing.

And we all suffer as a result.

And the cynical side of me thinks the Green Party likes this. A radical “enemy” in power, empowers them to be the “anti-enemy” and raises their media availablity. With a middle ground everyone can live with they are just a voice, one of many, urging a more radical agenda.

And if you disagree with me. That is fine. But next time something like this happens, and I am on the losing side of a “purist” fight; I blame you.

Thanks Ralph.

Learn how to run a campaign Al.

As loyal listeners and readers know. I am a huge fan of Trent Reznor and Nine Inch Nails. No matter what type of mood you are in, he has a song that fits your emotional state.

Today I am really feeling “Starfuckers Inc“-ish

And if you think I am being cryptic, and you think this may be about you, it is probably not (don’t worry) but Trent even has that angle covered in this song.

Every so often I will give you a Trent Reznor moment here.

Today’s selection is. . .

“Starfuckers, Inc.”

my god sits in the back of the limousine
my god comes in a wrapper of cellophane
my god pouts on the cover of the magazine
my god’s a shallow little bitch trying to make the scene

I have arrived and this time you should believe the hype
I listened to everyone now I know that everyone was right
I’ll be there for you as long as it works for me
I play a game
it’s called insincerity

starfuckers
starfuckers
starfuckers, inc.
starfuckers

I am every fucking thing and just a little more
I sold my soul but don’t you dare call me a whore
and when I suck you off not a drop will go to waste
it’s really not so bad you know once you get past the taste, yeah
(asskisser)

starfuckers
starfuckers
starfuckers, inc.
starfuckers

all our pain
how did you think we’d get by without you?
you’re so vain
I bet you think this song is about you
don’t you?
don’t you?
don’t you?
don’t you?

now I belong I’m one of the chosen ones
now I belong I’m one of the beautiful ones

Bean is very sad today — and I can not blame her. I feel really bad about it and I wish I had answers and solutions to make her feel better.

But even a genius like me does not have the answers to making a human soul feel well.

Please send some good-thought positive mojo to Saturn.

Maybe that would help.

For Immediate Release:
Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Contact: Christiaan Huygens (206) 338-2154
saturncast@gmail.com
www.saturndiary.com

Media Release

WE ALL LOVE A PARADE!

EMPEROR OF SATURN, CHRISTIAAN HUYGENS, DECLARES NOVEMBER 12th AS PIZZABABE APPRECIATION DAY ON PLANET SATURN

HIGHLIGHTS TO INCLUDE THE DEPENDS INCONTINENCE PANTS® PIZZABABE TICKER-TAPE PARADE ON SATURNcast PODCAST

Cassini Region, Saturn — In response to a growing public relations crisis for Emperor of Saturn, Christiaan Huygens,  has declared that Sunday, November 12, 2006 will be the official PizzaBabe Appreciation day on the planet Saturn.  Highlights of the day will include the issuance of a official proclamation declaring November 12, 2006 as “Saturn’s Official PizzaBabe Day,” and mandatory lessons on how to properly operate the very simple-to-use CASTblaster podcast software.

The highlight of the day’s activities will be the Depends Incontinence Pants® PizzaBabe Ticker-Tape Parade, which will be broadcast, via iriver technology, on the SATURNcast podcast.

Christiaan Huygens, just three months into his supreme and infallible reign on the planet Saturn, has recently been subject to severe criticism by The Freak Network podcast community for promising a ticker-tape parade for PizzaBabe on Saturn which was later abruptly rescinded. The cancellation, seen by PizzaBabe as an act of hostile aggression, is the first public relations crisis of Christiaan’s short, but powerful reign.

“When I made the offer of a ticker-tape parade for PizzaBabe,  I had no idea she thought I was serious.  I mean, for right now I am the only one living on Saturn. Resources here are tight, and it is very hard to breathe. It’s hot.  It’s gassy.  When I found out there was a public pressure campaign for me to continue my plans for the parade, I took a poll and discovered that if I wish to continue to be in the good grace of the Freak Network, I have no choice but to go forward with the parade.  I am a little freaked out.  I mean, parades are expensive.  How am I going to pay for this?  Next time I am just going to keep my mouth shut. Don’t write checks your ass can’t cash,” said Christiaan Huygens from his laboratory on the surface of Saturn.

Saturn has been known since prehistoric times. Galileo was the first to observe it with a telescope in 1610; he noted its odd appearance but was confused by it. Early observations of Saturn were complicated by the fact that the Earth passes through the plane of Saturn’s rings every few years as Saturn moves in its orbit. A low resolution image of Saturn therefore changes drastically. It was not until 1659 that Christiaan Huygens correctly inferred the geometry of the rings. Saturn’s rings remained unique in the known solar system until 1977 when very faint rings were discovered around Uranus (and shortly thereafter around Jupiter and Neptune).

Christiaan was also pleased to announce today that a corporate sponsor has been lined up to subsidize the parade.  Depends Incontinence Pants®, in the tradition of the popular New York Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, has agreed to add its support and name to the Pizzababe Ticker-Tape Parade.

“When Christiaan approached us about sponsoring the parade, we looked at him like he was crazy,” said Brenda Bucknard, CEO of the Depends Incontinence Pants® Corporation, “but when we realized just how old the PizzaBabe was becoming, we knew this was the perfect opportunity to introduce our wonderful incontinence pants to a new generation of old people.  Plus, the fact that no one lives on Saturn to actually see the parade keeps our costs way down.  It is a win-win.”

SATURNcast is a weekly podcast found at http://www.saturndiary.com  It is the only podcast from the planet Saturn.

###

Turns out I am some sort of musical genius too. And I am not talking about that Casey Kasem’s American Top 40 nonsense either.

Maybe if some of you were a little nicer to me back in the day, more music would be podsafe today.

But you didn’t listen. Nope. Enjoy the apple you are eating. It is all that show-off Issac Newton ever gave you.

I start off today’s show by playing a portion of a September 5, 1950 radio broadcast of Batman’s Mystery Club.

I give a BIG THANK YOU to Rebecca Nay of Tranny Wreck Radio Podcast

I give birthday greetings to the Pizzababe and the Pizzababe podcast.

I love these two shows and they have been very supportive of the SATURNcast. I strongly urge you to subscribe to The Freak Network .

The Freak Network is one stop shopping for Pizza Babe, Tranny Wreck and many other great podcasts.

Send in your scary MP3’s and e-mails to me at saturncast@gmail.com

Or call my voice mail at 206-338-2154

I share with you the Bean and my infertility woes. I discuss how I hate giving sperm samples, share my history of doing it, and how I just gave one at NYU Medical Center.

The Bean and I encounter a very rude, asshole-ish woman on the train ride home. How do you handle rude people? It drives me crazy.

I share the very deep pain, a pain I have been holding for over 300 years. Sir Issac Newton, the publicty whore that he was, outshowed me at a science convention he and I attended in 1725.

Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails is God.

I love my wife the Bean very much. She is my rock! Happy Birthday Jelly Bean!

From the Podsafe Music Network

Silence by Pscychotronic

Train Girl by Greg Tannen

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That is right folks. Only one week before I do the SATURNcast HALLOcast podcast. Have you sent me your scary,spooky, freeky mojo yet?

You haven’t?

Well instead of sitting there in shame, do something about it!

Send me your freeky mojo. I don’t care what it is. It can be a ghost story, something supernatural, a ufo story, an odd coincidence, etc etc.

No story is too small — or too terrifying!

There are many ways you can reach out to me:

Send me your MP3’s to saturncast@gmail.com

Call my voice mail at (206) 338-2154

Or send me an old-fashioned e-mail to saturncast@gmail.com

C’mon, it will be fun.